While I'm not a meditation teacher, I feel that I have sufficient knowledge and experience to commence my son's training in meditation. I've participated in numerous courses on meditation and read many book relevant books, which have all contributed to my learning. My best learning, however, took place during the three 10-day silent meditation retreats I have completed. That was a while ago in 2002, 2003, and 2004. Since commencing fulltime studies, unfortunately I haven't made time to go on another. But I shall return. My ultimate goal, which makes me hugely excited, is to do more meditation courses and retreats with Levi and Jason. As a family we will go along and, in this way, Levi can gather the additional training he needs to develop his technique, knowledge, and understanding of meditation.
I also have a PhD in psychology and am a registered psychologist (though currently I'm on maternity leave). My training, work experience, extensive reading, and boundless interest in the mind, body, and spirit equip me well with the resources necessary to pass on the crucial life skill of meditation to my son. I will grow and develop in my own skill of meditation alongside my son as we proceed on this journey as a family. This is a journey imbibed with a strong desire to leave a legacy of a healthy and loving mind to our son. I have seen the destruction created by people, and the internal torture and struggles of people, who have unhealthy minds. I don't want that for anyone, and I definitely don't want that for my son.
Thursday, 21 November 2013
Wednesday, 20 November 2013
What's Our Basic Parenting Philosophy?
So you can have an understanding of what we're like as parents, here's our basic philosophy about raising kids.
This is going to irk some people, but I don't believe in having kids in order for someone else to raise them. I'm a stay-at-home mum with a PhD not because my hubby earns loads of money and we can afford to do it, but because we choose to live a simple lifestyle because we value family more than status. We both believe that our child will thrive the most if he is raised by one of us. My husband could do just as good as a stay-at-home as me. Thankfully, we have shared values around parenting, money, and meditation.
We believe that our child should never be hit or yelled at. This is a type of violence and is counterproductive. All it does is damage the child's self-esteem and teaches them that it's okay to hit and yell at others. It is totally not okay to hit and yell at others. I know first hand the destructiveness of being hit and yelled out and my personal life mission is to not repeat those bad, bad, bad parenting practices.
We want our child to be happy, healthy, and kind. It doesn't matter whether he's gay, straight, transgendered, plumber, or doctor. All that matters is that is happy and is kind to others. As Ahjan Brahm says, "The door to my heart is always open." We could never reject our son based on his sexuality, occupation, or other lifestyle choices. If he ended up in jail or as an alcoholic I would be really surprised given the wholesome upbringing he is receiving. But if that happened, we would always be there for him.
This is going to irk some people, but I don't believe in having kids in order for someone else to raise them. I'm a stay-at-home mum with a PhD not because my hubby earns loads of money and we can afford to do it, but because we choose to live a simple lifestyle because we value family more than status. We both believe that our child will thrive the most if he is raised by one of us. My husband could do just as good as a stay-at-home as me. Thankfully, we have shared values around parenting, money, and meditation.
We believe that our child should never be hit or yelled at. This is a type of violence and is counterproductive. All it does is damage the child's self-esteem and teaches them that it's okay to hit and yell at others. It is totally not okay to hit and yell at others. I know first hand the destructiveness of being hit and yelled out and my personal life mission is to not repeat those bad, bad, bad parenting practices.
We want our child to be happy, healthy, and kind. It doesn't matter whether he's gay, straight, transgendered, plumber, or doctor. All that matters is that is happy and is kind to others. As Ahjan Brahm says, "The door to my heart is always open." We could never reject our son based on his sexuality, occupation, or other lifestyle choices. If he ended up in jail or as an alcoholic I would be really surprised given the wholesome upbringing he is receiving. But if that happened, we would always be there for him.
What Do I Expect?
I expect that my son will run circles around us while we sit on our cushions meditating. It's pretty hard for a small child to sit still, so why even bother teaching him to meditate? The basic premise is that one day he will. He will sit and meditate. By starting at two, and in hindsight we could have started at 18 months (this is the point when he started to get quite active and good at observation), he will learn that meditation is as necessary for the mind as food is for our bodies. We might be able to go without it for a few days, but really it needs to be done daily.
So, what actually happened on the first few meditations? On the morning of Levi's birthday, hubby and I sat on our cushions after giving him a few basic instructions (see The Best Gift We Could Ever Give Our Child blog. Once we commenced, Jason spontaneously started talking and I thought, 'Yes! Guided meditation is perfect because Levi will eventually internalise the instruction and at a later stage we can do silent meditation (which is my favourite).' Since we had our eyes closed, Levi kept saying, "BAH!" in his attempt to scare us awake.
We do a two minute meditation morning and evening. On the first day, we did a two minute meditation in the evening and Levi laid on his cushion pushing a toy car. This time, I did the guided meditation. It generally went like this, "We give thanks for the opportunity to meditate and we dedicate the blessings of this meditation to all beings. Take a s-l-o-w deep. Starting at the head, scan your body looking for any tension or stress. Relax any areas of tension. Scan your face, neck, arms, hands, back, front, legs, and feet. Take a slow deep breath and be aware of the breath at your nostrils. We give thanks for our fortunate circumstances. I'm thankful for my wonderful husband and beautiful son."
The next morning (20 Nov 13), again we meditated. It was just Levi and I as Jason had to start work early. Levi again didn't sit still but said, "Bah!" to scare me. That's okay; totally expected. That evening I wasn't at home as I was organising an event and hubby forgot about meditation. That's okay; it happens.
This morning (21 Nov 13), we all meditated. As part of our process to find out what will work for Levi, we decided to try an eating meditation. I poured a small amount of sultanas in a bowl for Levi to eat as we meditated. The goal was for Jason to do a guided meditation for Levi on eating. E.g., eat one sultana at a time, taste the sweetness, roll it in your mouth and feel the texture, chew it slowly, and feel the sensation of swallowing (repeat the process). Levi ate all the sultanas before we even began! Oh well. It really is trial and error.
For me, morning meditation is best done immediately after waking (except I have to go to the toilet; hubby doesn't). Obviously our little guy might be hungry, but generally he doesn't need to eat immediately upon waking. I will trial the eating meditation again, but will need to have our timer already set and the preliminary instruction completed before giving Levi the sultanas.
The preliminary instructions are a reminder of why, what, and when. So we say something like, "It's time to meditate for two minutes, Levi. We meditate to silence the mind and create happiness for ourselves and others. Please sit on the cushion like mummy and daddy." We don't actually expect him to sit at this stage but it's important to give these instructions so that he gets to know what is to take place. I anticipate that by the time he is three, he will sit. He will follow our example and gradually sit for the allotted time. I want Levi to be an 18 year old who sits twice daily and reaps the magnificent benefits of meditation. This is the beginning of making that a reality.
So, what actually happened on the first few meditations? On the morning of Levi's birthday, hubby and I sat on our cushions after giving him a few basic instructions (see The Best Gift We Could Ever Give Our Child blog. Once we commenced, Jason spontaneously started talking and I thought, 'Yes! Guided meditation is perfect because Levi will eventually internalise the instruction and at a later stage we can do silent meditation (which is my favourite).' Since we had our eyes closed, Levi kept saying, "BAH!" in his attempt to scare us awake.
We do a two minute meditation morning and evening. On the first day, we did a two minute meditation in the evening and Levi laid on his cushion pushing a toy car. This time, I did the guided meditation. It generally went like this, "We give thanks for the opportunity to meditate and we dedicate the blessings of this meditation to all beings. Take a s-l-o-w deep. Starting at the head, scan your body looking for any tension or stress. Relax any areas of tension. Scan your face, neck, arms, hands, back, front, legs, and feet. Take a slow deep breath and be aware of the breath at your nostrils. We give thanks for our fortunate circumstances. I'm thankful for my wonderful husband and beautiful son."
The next morning (20 Nov 13), again we meditated. It was just Levi and I as Jason had to start work early. Levi again didn't sit still but said, "Bah!" to scare me. That's okay; totally expected. That evening I wasn't at home as I was organising an event and hubby forgot about meditation. That's okay; it happens.
This morning (21 Nov 13), we all meditated. As part of our process to find out what will work for Levi, we decided to try an eating meditation. I poured a small amount of sultanas in a bowl for Levi to eat as we meditated. The goal was for Jason to do a guided meditation for Levi on eating. E.g., eat one sultana at a time, taste the sweetness, roll it in your mouth and feel the texture, chew it slowly, and feel the sensation of swallowing (repeat the process). Levi ate all the sultanas before we even began! Oh well. It really is trial and error.
For me, morning meditation is best done immediately after waking (except I have to go to the toilet; hubby doesn't). Obviously our little guy might be hungry, but generally he doesn't need to eat immediately upon waking. I will trial the eating meditation again, but will need to have our timer already set and the preliminary instruction completed before giving Levi the sultanas.
The preliminary instructions are a reminder of why, what, and when. So we say something like, "It's time to meditate for two minutes, Levi. We meditate to silence the mind and create happiness for ourselves and others. Please sit on the cushion like mummy and daddy." We don't actually expect him to sit at this stage but it's important to give these instructions so that he gets to know what is to take place. I anticipate that by the time he is three, he will sit. He will follow our example and gradually sit for the allotted time. I want Levi to be an 18 year old who sits twice daily and reaps the magnificent benefits of meditation. This is the beginning of making that a reality.
The Best Gift We Could Ever Give Our Child
What do most parents give their children on their second birthdays? Typically, boys get cars and trucks, girls get dolls and kitchens. Well, given that every day is full of treats and surprises for our son, we didn't do much lavishing in the gift department. On 19 November 2013, our son turned two. He received a pack of 40 cars that were in a tube for $20 from Woolies. Although this was kiddie heaven for our little guy, the best gift that we could give him, was to teach meditation.
One minute for every year alive. So hubby, toddler, and I sat on a cushion from the sofa and meditated for two minutes. I've started this blog to document the refinements we make over time to enhance our toddler's involvement and to share this knowledge with other parents who want to teach their children meditation.
My parents were (still are, for they are alive and kicking) extremely unenlightened. The concept of meditation was (is) completely foreign. My hubby and I came to meditation as a way to overcome our suffering in our twenties. We're now in our thirties and meditation has so many benefits that I believe it will really enhance my child's life as he grows and develops into a fabulous young man.
We started the meditation session by telling our Levi what meditation is. Hubby said, "meditation is a way to quieten the mind." We explained, in toddler language, why we do it, "It makes you and others happier." I said to him, "Just like our bodies need food every day, our minds need meditation every day." I want our son to learn that meditation is a normal and essential part of wellbeing, for he will learn to be in command of mind and emotions if he grows up learning meditation.
A friend of ours, whom we respect very much, started meditating at 10. It's just one case study, but this guy, who is in his early thirties, is so fabulous. He's calm, gentle with his words, open in his speech, and just downright lovely. We all want the very best for our children, and this is the very best gift that I can give to the most precious thing in the whole entire world.
One minute for every year alive. So hubby, toddler, and I sat on a cushion from the sofa and meditated for two minutes. I've started this blog to document the refinements we make over time to enhance our toddler's involvement and to share this knowledge with other parents who want to teach their children meditation.
My parents were (still are, for they are alive and kicking) extremely unenlightened. The concept of meditation was (is) completely foreign. My hubby and I came to meditation as a way to overcome our suffering in our twenties. We're now in our thirties and meditation has so many benefits that I believe it will really enhance my child's life as he grows and develops into a fabulous young man.
We started the meditation session by telling our Levi what meditation is. Hubby said, "meditation is a way to quieten the mind." We explained, in toddler language, why we do it, "It makes you and others happier." I said to him, "Just like our bodies need food every day, our minds need meditation every day." I want our son to learn that meditation is a normal and essential part of wellbeing, for he will learn to be in command of mind and emotions if he grows up learning meditation.
A friend of ours, whom we respect very much, started meditating at 10. It's just one case study, but this guy, who is in his early thirties, is so fabulous. He's calm, gentle with his words, open in his speech, and just downright lovely. We all want the very best for our children, and this is the very best gift that I can give to the most precious thing in the whole entire world.
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